Clean Slate
by irishka1205
Summary: When Dean is attacked by demons, Sam must do whatever it takes to keep his brother safe.
1. Prologue

Sam pulled up into the parking space and turned the ignition off. It was a perfect Spring day. The sun was bright and warm and town's people on the street were enjoying the break in the weather, cheerfully window shopping and excitedly discussing plans for the weekend, that promised more of the same beautiful weather. But Sam didn't care about any of that, he barely even saw the people walking past him. After the hunt last night, he was tired and sore and sleep deprived. But he was close by and couldn't miss the opportunity to make this stop.

He sat in quiet by himself, listening to the chatter of the passersby and the loud whizzing in the auto shop across the street.

"What are you doing here, Sam?"

Despite himself, Sam jumped, startled by the sudden appearance of another being in the car.

"You know, you should really stop appearing out of thin air like that," Sam said after his heartbeat returned to normal.

Anna ignored his comment. "You shouldn't be here, you know that."

Sighing, Sam turned away from the angel and once again fixed his gaze back on the shop. "He won't see me."

"I told you when this was arranged. You cannot be around him."

Sam rolled his eyes. He's heard this lecture many times before. It was drilled into his head over and over again five months ago. He understood perfectly. And he was being careful. "He won't see me," he repeated again, more forcefully this time.

"Sam."

But Sam didn't hear her. He sat up a little straighter as he noticed a figure coming out of the shop, his eyes narrowing, his full attention on the figure of a man. He watched as the man waved at somebody inside the shop, smiling the entire time, then began walking in the opposite direction from where the Impala stood. Despite his eyes stinging with unshed tears, and the lump in his throat threatening to suffocate him, Sam watched as the distance between him and the man grew more and more until the man was nothing but a tiny dot on the horizon.

Exhaling a long and loud sigh, Sam finally turned to look at Anna. "Look, I know, ok? I just wanted to make sure he was ok."

"I'm watching out for him," Anna replied. "So are the others."

Sam's body stiffened. "Castiel is here?" Sam asked, studying her expression.

She nodded in response. "I can feel him. Uriel too."

Sam instinctively looked around, searching for the raincoat-clad angel. "It's too dangerous for you. You should go," he said quietly, turning his attention back to her.

Anna's expression however remained unchanged. "Sam, he can't see you. Your brother can never see you again."


	2. Chapter 1

*******

Part 1

Two nights later Sam found himself sitting in the farthest corner of some nameless bar, having a beer. He was tired, worn out, and in desperate need of sleep. But he knew that sleep would be hard to come by even though he hasn't had more than four hours of sleep in the last three days. Sleep was pretty elusive these days. Dean's absence was more noticeable during those times when Sam was alone in the room, silence sometimes turning so deafening, Sam couldn't stand it. He was hoping the beer could help him ignore it all tonight and just get some shut eye.

Taking a sip from the bottle, Sam scanned the bar. He wasn't looking for anybody in particular, but habit was hard to break.

He spotted her as soon as she walked into the bar, wearing a tiny skirt, a red jacket and high boots. He didn't know if it was his hunter instincts or the fact that the more he used his powers, the more aware of demons he was, but he could pick a demon out of the crowd these days. And there was one in this crowd. He really wasn't looking for a fight tonight, but Sam also needed something to make him feel...something. And she was the perfect opportunity.

From that point on, Sam tracked her every move with his eyes while he remained mostly concealed by the shadows in the corner. But then she turned around and looked straight at him. Sam watched as the expression on her face changed, but not to what Sam expected. It wasn't recognition, apprehension or even fear that he's been seeing more and more lately as he came across demons. Instead, she smiled, straightened up her skirt and then strutted over to Sam's table.

"You look lonely, baby," she said in a sweet, melodic voice. "Mind if I join you?"

Sam studied her face, trying to figure out what her game was. There was still no recognition of who he was. She was playing her role well. But what was her end game? Playing along, Sam pointed to the seat across the table from him. "Sure," he said, his voice steady and in control.

"I don't think I've ever seen you in here before," she continued, smiling at him while reaching across the table. "I would have remembered such a hunk of burning love, trust me."

Sam dropped his eyes for a second when her hand touched his, caressing his fingers with her own. He quickly looked back up at her, giving her a lopsided smile.

"I'm Veronica, by the way," she continued. "What's your name?"

Sam slowly took a sip of his beer, then put the bottle down and leaned forward, moving his hand to now cover hers. "Sam," he said, pinning her hand to the table. "Winchester." Finally he saw it. Recognition, followed immediately by fear. "So you do know who I am," he stated.

The demon looked around, as if looking for help, but as far as Sam could tell, there were no other demons in the bar. She was on her own and out of luck. "Please, just...please, don't."

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't."

"I...I can help you. I could provide you information," she pleaded.

Sam let out an amused chuckle. This demon was obviously low on the demonic food chain. There was nothing she could offer that he couldn't already get from other sources. Besides, there was a girl trapped inside that body.

"No, thanks," he said, concentrating on exorcising her out of the human body. It has become so easy for him, he barely had to focus. Some demons still provided a challenge, obviously the more powerful ones, but this one...the moment he concentrated on her, the black cloud flowed out of the woman's body and into the floor, leaving only an unconscious body slumped in the booth.

Sam took a deep breath to release tension in his body, took another swig of his beer, then stood up and walked over to the other side of the table. He reached for the girl's neck and quickly found what he was looking for. Her pulse was weak, but steady. That's the feeling he needed - the 'I saved another human being today' feeling that was the only thing that kept him going these days.

Sam made a beeline for the bar. "I don't think that girl's feeling well," he said to the bartender, pointing at the booth where he just performed exorcism. "You might want to call an ambulance." Not waiting for a response, Sam quickly walked out of the bar and into the cool, fresh air of the night.

Maybe now he could sleep.

But before Sam could even get in the car, a familiar figure appeared in front of him.

"Uriel," Sam acknowledged as nonchalantly as possible as he continued to move toward the Impala. The last thing he wanted was another altercation with the less than agreeable angel. He's had enough of those to last him a lifetime over the past five months. What he wanted was sleep.

"How many times do we need to tell you to stop using your powers?" The angel's voice echoed in the empty parking lot.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Sam stopped and turned around. He knew what was coming next. He's heard the speech many times before. And frankly, he couldn't care less anymore what the angels or God thought. He was doing what needed to be done. Which was exactly what he once again told Uriel.

"Maybe when you start doing your job, I can stop doing mine," Sam shot back.

Before he could react, Uriel was right by his side, holding him up off the ground by his neck. "Do you forget who you're talking to?" Uriel growled as he raised him even higher.

His natural instincts kicked in and Sam struggled against the suffocating hold, the iron-like fingers wrapped firmly around his neck, squeezing it harder and harder.

"Uriel, stop," he suddenly heard and before he knew it, he was on the ground as the air once again filled his lungs.

Trying his damnest to keep from retaliating against the angel, which he knew wouldn't be the most productive way to spend his time, Sam pushed himself to his feet and turned to face the other two beings next to him. Still breathing hard and rubbing his neck, Sam met Castiel's gaze. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" he finally asked.

"Sam, you need to stop." Castiel's way of delivering the message might have been different from Uriel's, but the message was the same.

"Stop? I just sent a demon back to hell. Tell me, when was the last time you were able to do that?" Sam shot back.

"One demon is nothing when a whole army is coming," Castiel replied.

"It's one less demon in the army. One less demon to worry about. One less human fighting for her life."

"You think that human matters when the entire world is about to burn?" Uriel exclaimed.

Without a pause, Sam answered, "Yes. Humans like her are the ones who matter."

Uriel was about to respond, but was stopped by Castiel's hand on his chest. Instead Castiel took a step toward Sam and addressed him again. "I understand it's hard for you. Without your brother."

Sam felt his heart beating faster as he ground his teeth, trying to force the anger rising in his chest back down. "You understand nothing," he ground out through his teeth, his palms squeezed into fists. "You can't understand it."

Castiel was unfazed by the anger directed at him. "I know your brother didn't want you using your powers."

"My brother didn't want to end up being tortured by demons, but I guess we can't always get what we want." Every word out of Sam's mouth dripped with sarcasm. "My brother thought angels would protect him. But I guess he was wrong on that count as well."

Sam could have sworn he saw some sort of a reaction, an emotion on Castiel's face. But he knew it was impossible. Angels didn't feel. And that made Sam all the more angry at Castiel for bringing up Dean as an excuse to make him stop going after demons.

"Sam..." Castiel tried again, but Sam has heard enough.

"Look, if you're planning on smiting me, just get it over with already. If not, I really need to get some sleep." He looked from Castiel to Uriel back to Castiel again. Neither one moved. "That's what I thought," Sam added quietly. He turned toward the Impala when his phone rang.

Sam pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and saw Bobby's number on the caller ID. A big part of him wanted to stuff the phone back in the pocket of his jacket and drive to the nearest motel instead, but he promised Bobby that he'd keep in touch. Flipping the phone open, Sam brought it to his ear. "Hey, Bobby," he said with all the excitement he could muster.

"Sam, I think something's happening."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know I've been keeping an eye out for anything strange going on around the area where Dean's at," Bobby began to explain.

Sam felt his chest tighten all of a sudden. Somehow he knew what was coming next. "What did you find?" he asked slowly.

"Signs, Sam. Big, gigantic, demonic signs."

Sam closed his eyes, trying to push back the panic that was rising in his chest.

"How far away are you?" Bobby asked.

"About eight hours," Sam answered as he got behind the wheel of the Impala.

"I'll meet you there."

With that, Sam hung up and turned the key in the ignition.

There'll be no sleep tonight.


	3. Chapter 2

Part 2

Sam met Bobby just outside of town. When he got to the agreed upon meeting place, Bobby was already there, map spread over the hood of the car.

"Any idea how many?" Sam asked as soon as he was out of the Impala.

"Hello to you too." When Sam didn't bother to respond, Bobby continued. "I can't really tell."

"Any activity?" Sam inquired.

"Not as far as I can tell. No reports of any incidents on the police scanner either," the older hunter replied. "If they're here, they're waiting for something."

"Or someone," Sam added.

"They could be here for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with Dean."

"Is that what you really think?" Sam asked. When Bobby just sighed in response, Sam nodded. "That's what I thought. Ok, we gotta find them before _they_ find him."

Sam and Bobby spent the rest of the day driving around, walking the streets, going into buildings and restaurants, anything and everything to find the demons. But nothing came of it. So, the two of them had to settle for sitting in the car across the street from the auto shop where Dean worked, hoping that if the demons were after him, they could stop them in time.

It was already dark and the street in front of the shop was nearly empty. Sam took yet another sip from his coffee cup. He lost count of how much coffee he already consumed today.

"Maybe we should just go inside," Bobby suggested once again.

"No," Sam replied without taking his eyes off the shop. "I don't want him to see us, not if he doesn't have to."

"It will be easier if he knows," Bobby tried to argue.

"No," Sam responded, more forcefully. "If he remembers, the hallucinations, everything…it will start up again. And all of this was for nothing."

"You don't know that. Enough time passed since…"

"No," Sam said again, finally looking at Bobby.

Silence fell between them once again, but it didn't last long. Before Sam could take another sip from his coffee cup, they heard crashing sounds coming from the auto shop. Without so much as a glance at each other, the two hunters got out of the car and sprinted across the street. Sam was the first one to get to the shop, running inside, the door swinging with a screech behind him.

Two demons were on both sides of the room. Dean was on the floor in the corner with the third demon advancing toward him. Without a second thought, Sam raised his hand and focused on the demon closest to his brother. Within seconds a black cloud spilled out of the human host's body and floated down and disappeared into the floor. Then, before the other two had a chance to so much as blink, Sam raised his arms to both sides and a moment later both of them were gone as well.

Letting out a loud breath, Sam lowered his arms and turned around when he heard the door close behind him. He knew what he'd find there - a look of complete shock on Bobby's face. Up until this point, the other hunter only knew about Sam's premonitions. He had no clue about Sam being able to exorcise demons with his abilities. Not until now.

Sam knew there'll be a lot of questions later, but right now he had more important things to deal with. Turning away from the Bobby, Sam crossed the room, coming to a stop in front of a man crouching in the corner.

"Are you ok?" Sam asked, kneeling down.

His brother's eyes stared back at him, but there was absolutely no recognition of who he was in them. "I…think so." He looked around the room at the three bodies lying unconscious on the floor. "Who are these people?"

"It's a long story," Sam responded, not entirely sure what story he was going to come up with to explain this. He stood up and offered the other man a hand.

Dean took his hand and Sam heaved him to his feet.

"For now, we need to get you out of here."

Dean shifted his gaze from Sam to Bobby, who still remained standing near the entrance. "Who are you, people? Cops?"

"Something like that," Sam responded, unable to meet his brother's eyes. He hadn't so much as spoken a word to Dean in over five months. The fact that Dean had no idea who he was made this that much harder. "Look," he tried. "These people are after you. They want to…hurt you. We're going to make sure that doesn't happen."

That was as much of a truth as Sam could share without spilling everything, but of course it only made Dean even more confused. "What the hell would they want with me? I'm just a mechanic."

Sam took a deep breath in. This was even harder than he thought it would be.

"Look, son, we're trying to save your life here," Bobby finally spoke up, moving further into the room. "So, how about you cool it with the questions until we can get you to safety."

Dean was visibly taken aback by what Bobby said, but it did the trick and shut him up. He just nodded in response. Sam made a mental note to thank Bobby later.

"What's your name?" Bobby asked, moving closer.

"Kyle," Dean responded. "Johnson."

Bobby nodded and extended his hand to shake Dean's. "I'm Bobby. This here is Sam."

Sam held his breath as he raised his eyes to meet his brother's. But there was still no recognition there, not even a hint of remembrance hearing their names could have sparked. Nothing.

Sam cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that was rising up in his throat. "We gotta go," he simply said. Without another look back, he walked toward the door.

They crosses the street in silence, Sam leading the way and looking around to make sure no more demons came after them.

"Are we going to the police department?" Dean asked when they reached the car.

Sam found himself unable to respond and was once again grateful when Bobby spoke up.

"No, a safe house," the older hunter responded as he opened the passenger door of the Impala for Dean while Sam walked over to the driver's side. "Get in."

"This your car?" Dean asked as all three of them were inside.

Sam's hand froze midway to the ignition box and he swallowed hard, then finally started the car. "Yeah," he replied quietly without so much as a glance at his brother.

"It's awesome," Dean exclaimed as Sam pulled out of the parking spot. "They sure don't make them like this anymore."

Sam didn't respond, instead focusing all of his attention on getting them to the motel safely.

The moment they got inside the motel room, Sam got to work to make the room safe from demons while Bobby checked out the area around the motel.

Of course, seeing Sam pour salt on the windowsill raised questions from the man they were trying to keep safe. "What is that for?"

"To keep you safe," Sam responded without looking up from his task.

"Salt?" Dean's was as incredulous as any other civilian Sam had ever had to deal with on hunts.

Sam put down the canister with salt and turned to face the other man. The man who taught _him_ all about salt and iron and how to protect yourself from demons and ghosts. Who taught him almost everything he knew today. And it was nearly impossible to keep his emotions from betraying him.

"It's kinda hard to explain," he tried, his voice shaking.

"You guys are not cops, are you?" Dean asked.

Sam let out a loud sigh. "No."

"Who are you?"

Sam could hear the fear creeping up in his brother's voice. "Someone who's trying to keep you safe," he answered honestly.

"From whom?" Dean demanded.

"Somebody really…bad," Sam tried to find the right words where he could answer honestly but also not reveal too much. The less he said, the better the chance was that Dean wouldn't remember anything and when this was all over, his brother could go back to the hunting-free life he'd been leading for the past five months.

"Why are they after me?"

Sam stayed quiet for a while, trying to find the right words to explain. He finally settled on, "They think you're somebody else."

"Who?"

Sam swallowed hard again, his eyes stinging as well. This was so much harder than he had ever imagined. He studied the other man's face, trying to see if Dean was remembering anything. But there was still nothing there. "Someone you're not," he finally said, each word causing him physical pain to utter.

When the other man's confusion deepened, Sam added, "Look, it doesn't matter who. The point is, they want you dead. But Bobby and I, we can protect you. We _will _protect you. But you have to do what we tell you."

Sam wasn't sure how much of what he was saying the other man was buying, but Dean remained quiet and Sam returned to demon proofing the room.

Bobby arrived not long after.

"Anything?" Sam inquired as soon as Bobby closed the door.

"Not that I can tell. Not yet anyway."

Sam nodded as he leaned against the windowsill. He wasn't naïve enough to think that the attack on Dean earlier that evening was a one time deal. Lilith would know soon enough that Dean was still alive and would send more demons after him.

"We can't stay here," Sam voiced the obvious.

"You definitely got that right," Bobby responded.

"Your place?" That was the only thing that Sam could think of. Lilith would find them no matter where they went. At least at Bobby's they had a fighting chance.

"He'll definitely be safe in the panic room," Bobby motioned to the third man currently sitting on the edge of the bed, listening with anxiety written all over his face.

"Wait, hold on a second," the man stood up. "I let you drag me here instead of the cops because you saved my life back there, but if you think I'm going anywhere else with you, you're crazy."

Sam knew this was not going to be easy, so he moved slowly as not to scare Dean any more than he already was. "Look, we're just trying to keep you safe, that's all," Sam tried, keeping his voice steady and calm. "Trust me, we won't let anything happen to you."

"Trust you? I don't even know you."

Sam felt as if he was sucker punched. He felt dazed and a moment passed before he realized that the other man was moving toward the door, with obvious intention of leaving.

Sam leapt across the room, reaching the door before his brother. He put his hands on the man's chest, stopping his advance, but fake memories or not, his brother was not going down without a fight. Sam finally grabbed the front of Dean's shirt, swung him around and pushed him against the door, getting right into his face. "Stop it," he yelled. "We're killing ourselves here trying to keep you alive, to keep you safe. So stop acting like a jackass, Dean. Just stop it!"

It took Sam a moment to realize that the other man stopped struggling against his hold and was simply staring at him with an astonishment on his face.

"What did you just call me?" Dean asked.

Breathing hard, Sam let go of his shirt and took a step back. "I…" He didn't know what to say, so he just stared back at his brother's face.

"He said, stop acting like a damn fool," Bobby stepped in front of him and Sam couldn't remember ever being more grateful to the old hunter than he was at this moment. "We're trying to save your life here, not kidnap you for our own personal pleasure."

Sam couldn't listen anymore. He needed to get out of the room and clear his head. He didn't think that being around Dean, Dean who had absolutely no idea who Sam was, would be this difficult, this heart wrenching. It took every fiber in his being to stop himself from screaming at the pain he was feeling inside.

"I'll take the bags to the car," he finally managed to speak up.

Not waiting for an answer from either of the men, Sam picked up the two duffel bags that he brought in less than an hour ago and carried them outside. Tossing them onto the back seat, Sam leaned against the car and dug inside the pocket of his jacket for the cell phone. Phone firmly in hand, Sam hit the speed dial..

She answered on the second beep. "Sam?"

"Hi," he said. "I need your help."

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Where?" was all she asked.

"Bobby's place. You remember how to get there?"

"Yes," she quickly responded. "See you there." She hung up before Sam had a chance to say another word.

Sam closed the phone and put it back in his pocket.

"He's calmed back down." Bobby said as he came up behind him. "I think I made him see reason."

"Good," was all Sam could manage in response. "Thanks."

"He said he just wants to make a stop and tell his girlfriend that he'll be gone for a while. Doesn't want her to worry and all that."

Sam simply nodded.

"You knew he had a girlfriend?"

Once again Sam nodded.

"You ok," Bobby asked, not even trying to hide the concern in his voice.

Letting out a sigh, Sam turned to face the older man. "I'm fine. It's just…hard."

Now it was Bobby's turn to nod in response. "When was the last time you slept?"

Sam was a little taken aback by the question. "I'm fine," he repeated.

"That's not what I asked," Bobby insisted.

"Bobby, I'm…" But just then they heard the door of the motel room open and close and Dean walked toward them.

"Get in," Bobby told him. Then grabbed the keys that Sam took out of his pocket a second earlier. "I'm driving. And you get some sleep." Sam knew better than to argue.

It was strange, riding in the Impala in the passenger seat again. Especially with Bobby being the one behind the wheel and Dean in the back seat. Sam tried to shake the feeling though, tried to focus on the task at hand, the only important thing which was getting Dean safely to Bobby's house. But before they could do that, they had to make a stop.

"The house on the left," Dean provided directions from the back.

Bobby pulled the car into the driveway for a small ranch at the end of the street. "Don't take too long," he instructed as Dean began to get out of the car. "And Kyle…"

The other man paused.

"She can't know what's happening. For her own safety."

There was no verbal response from the back seat, but Sam assumed there was an acknowledgement of what Bobby told him. The two hunters stayed in the car, watching as Dean walked up the driveway to the porch, then rang the doorbell.

A few seconds later a redhead opened the door. Sam watched as Dean smiled at her, gave her a quick kiss and then began to talk. From where they were sitting, Bobby and Sam couldn't hear a word he was saying.

"You just told him to lie to his girlfriend," Sam stated. He never imagined that thought would bother him so much.

Obviously Bobby was just as surprised by that thought as Sam himself was. "Wouldn't be the first time Dean's had to lie to a pretty girl."

"He's not Dean," Sam said quietly.

"And who is he, Sam? This Kyle Johnson guy you and that angel of yours invented together?"

"Bobby," he tried to defend himself. But really, this wasn't the first argument they had about this and Sam really had nothing new to add. "Come on."

"Don't 'come on' me, boy. I told you then and I'll tell you now, this was a bad idea."

"What choice did I have?" Sam raised his voice. "Let him lose his mind completely? Toss him in some loony bin? Because you know that's where he was headed."

"Well, he's not headed there now. So, we should tell him. Tell him the truth."

"No," Sam responded without a second thought. Telling Dean the truth about who he really was was out of the question. "Anna said…"

"Anna don't have a clue," Bobby grumbled.

"It's too dangerous, Bobby. What if he starts having hallucinations again?"

"And what if he doesn't?" Bobby argued.

Sam shook his head. This wasn't a chance he was willing to take. Besides, there were other reasons why Sam wanted to keep Dean oblivious to who he really was. Sam turned and looked out the window, staring at the couple wrapped in an embrace on the porch of the house. "He can have this, Bobby," Sam said quietly. "This life. No demons, no hunting. What he always wanted."

"Dean never wanted this."

"Yes, he did. He always wanted this. Especially after dad died," Sam explained. "I know he did. And this is his chance." He turned to face the older hunter again, pleading with the man.

Bobby stared at him in silence for a few seconds, the expression on his face changing to that of sorrow, almost pity. Except, Sam realized, it wasn't for Dean. This one was meant for him. "And what about you?"

Sam looked away, trying to hide from the gaze of his older friend. "I'm…"

"Fine," Bobby finished for him. "Yeah, I know."

Before either man had a chance to say anything else, Dean bid good bye to the girl and hurried back to the car.

"What did you tell her?" Bobby asked as they pulled out of the driveway.

"That you were an old friend of my parents. You and your son just passing by and invited me to go fishing."

"That's pretty impressive," Sam noted. "How'd you come up with that?"

"Just came to me," his brother's reply came from the back.


	4. Chapter 3

_Part 3_

_Sam managed to sleep for a little over two hours as Bobby drove. He wished he could have slept longer, but after the nightmare that woke him up in a first place, Sam was reluctant to so much as close his eyes again. _

_When they finally got to Bobby's place, Sam escorted Dean downstairs, not wanting to take any chances. _

"_What is this place?" Dean asked as they walked into the tiny room filled with books, unopened cans of food, and a lone bed by the wall. _

_Sam tried to gage the other man's mental state, to see if he was nervous, freaked as hell and ready to run first chance he got. Dean remained quiet most of the way here and not being able to see him from the passenger seat, Sam had no idea what could have been going through his brother's mind during that time. _

"_Ever heard of a panic room?" Sam replied, looking around the room. He knew there could not be anything remotely supernatural there, but it was the force of habit._

_Dean chuckled with amusement. "Your dad has a panic room?"_

"_Bobby's not my dad," Sam corrected, taking note of uneasiness in his brother's voice._

"_Oh, sorry. I thought…I mean, he acts like it," Dean stumbled to explain himself._

"_No. He's just…a friend of the family."_

_His brother nodded in response. _

_The two stared at each other for a moment, one nervously, unsure of what to do next. The other one feeling torn between wanting to stay and have a longer conversation with the man he hadn't spoken to in months and wanting to run as fast and as far as he could. The second choice won out and Sam turned around to leave. He was already in the doorway when his brother spoke again._

"_Who's Dean?" _

_Sam froze in place, his heart suddenly beating violently against his ribs. He slowly turned around and met the other man's eyes. "My brother," he finally answered after a long pause, his voice cracking._

"_Is he the one those men are after?" _

_Sam could barely breathe and his heart seemed only to beat harder and harder. "Yes." His voice was nearly a whisper. _

"_Why are they after him?" _

_Sam didn't respond right away, trying to find words, trying to decide just how much he should reveal to the man standing across from him. But he could find none. "It's a very long, very complicated story," he said instead. _

"_You have a lot of those. Long and complicated stories, I mean," Dean replied._

_In spite of himself, Sam snickered. "Pretty much the story of my life." He started to turn around to leave when another question once again stopped him in his tracks._

"_Where is he? Your brother. Where is he?"_

_Sam tried taking a deep breath in, but the giant lump in his throat made that task nearly impossible. With the tears suddenly stinging his eyes, Sam stared at the man in front of him, looking for the answer in the man's face - his brother's face. Except, behind his brother's eyes there was a stranger. _

_And Sam had his answer. _

"_Gone," he whispered._

_He couldn't take the look of sorrow on the other man's face. Clearing his throat, Sam focused on the task at hand. "Look, just stay here and do whatever Bobby tells you. And if you hear anything, just lock the door. You'll be safe here, I promise."_

"_What are __you _gonna do?" There was anxiety in Dean's voice. 

"Something I should have done a long time ago," Sam answered. He wasn't lying about that.

"What's that?"

"I'm going to make sure those bastards don't come after you again."

"What…Sam…" His brother's face showed worry, concern. And Sam couldn't take seeing that expression any longer.

He had a job to do. And regardless of what the end result of it was going to be, Sam knew that there was very little chance he'd ever see his brother again. "Good bye…Kyle." 

Not waiting for a response, Sam ran out of the room and up the stairs.

*****

Sam found Bobby at his desk, deep in research, probably looking for any signs that demons followed them here. He was just about to ask whether Bobby found anything when a car pulled up to the house. Quickly realizing who it was, Sam headed outside.

She was out of the car by the time Sam reached her. "Thanks for coming," he told her. He wasn't completely sure she would.

"I gotta say, I was pretty surprised you called," she said, slamming the driver side door. 

Sam sighed, knowing full well that she had every right to be pissed at him. "Ruby," he tried, but she cut him off, seemingly not interested in hearing his apology.

"So, what's going on?" Ruby asked.

Grateful for reprieve in the change of the subject and being able to get right down to business, Sam took a step closer to her. "Lilith," he replied and watched as Ruby's expression changed to that of concern. "She sent her lackeys after Dean."

She let out a loud sigh. "I assume since you're here and calm…" She paused, her eyes studying his face for a moment. "…ish," she corrected herself. "That means he's ok."

"For now," Sam confirmed. 

Ruby nodded. "She's not going to stop there, you know that."

"I know," Sam replied grimly. "And I'm not waiting for another attack."

"What do you want to do?" 

"Attack first," Sam replied with determination in his voice.

Ruby's expression remained unchanged, but her eyes widened slightly, studying Sam's face. "You found her?" She finally asked.

"Not yet. That's what you're here for."

Ruby chuckled. "Sam, come on, you've been looking for Lilith for how long now? I've told you everything I know. Obviously your new best friend doesn't have a clue either." 

The last part was tinted with disdain and Sam didn't have to think long to know that she was referring to Anna. 

"If Lilith doesn't want to be found, she won't be," Ruby added.

"There has to be a way," he insisted.

"There isn't."

"I don't accept that." Sam took a step toward her, lowering his voice. "Come on, Ruby, there's gotta be a way to find her. A spell, something?"

"Lilith is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them," Ruby replied. "You found her using witchcraft once. She won't make the same mistake again. She knows how to hide and hide well."

"There has to be another way!" He nearly screamed in frustration.

Ruby stood quiet for a while, then let out a loud sigh as she came up to stand right in front of him. "There is…one," she said quietly, staring up into his eyes.

Without hesitation, Sam asked, "What is it?" 

A tiny smile crossed her lips before she answered. "You."

Sam's eyes narrowed as he studied her face, confused. "Me? But…how? I don't…"

"Oh, come on, Sam, you really think that Azazel's big plan for you was to send his demon army back to hell with the wave of your hand? You have other abilities, Sam. Powerful abilities."

Sam stared back at her, confusion quickly paving way to realization of exactly what she was trying to tell him. And one thing came to mind. "Ava," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Who?"

"This girl I knew, psychic like me. She learned how to control demons. Make them do whatever she wanted," Sam explained.

Ruby smiled again. "Make them tell you whatever you need to know."

It didn't take long for Sam to realize exactly what she was telling him. She gave him a way to find Lilith. "Find demons. Make them tell me where she is." It was more of a statement rather than a question.

"With a little practice, you'll be able to get whatever information you need."

Sam shook his head. He didn't have time for practice. "Just tell me what to do."

"Sam, it doesn't work like that. How long did it take you to get a grip on just exorcising demons. You need time to get the hang of this. I'll show you but we need time."

"We don't have time," He responded, his voice getting louder. "Just tell me, I'll figure it out."

"Sam, this is insane."

"Just tell me how!" He growled. 

He heard her gasp and a strange wave of energy came from him toward her, enveloping her entire body. He couldn't see it, but he felt it with every fiber of his being. 

Her face contorted as if in pain, Ruby stared at him. "You're doing it," she said slowly.

Stunned, Sam let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and took a step back. It was as if a hold was suddenly loosened on Ruby, as if an invisible hand holding her just let go.

"You're a much quicker study than I thought," she said, trying to catch her breath.

A shiver ran down Sam's spine as words he heard years before played in his head. _"Once you give into it, there's all sorts of Jedi mind tricks you can do."_ Jake was right. Sam fought it for so long. Now that he wasn't fighting against his abilities anymore, it took no effort at all.

He took a step toward her as he pulled the knife from his pocket - _her_ knife - and held it out to her. 

Ruby stared at him, confusion written on her face. 

"You're going to need it more," he explained. "I need you to stay here, protect Dean."

"What are you going to do?"

Sam just stared back at her. 

She understood his plan at once. "No, no way, Sam. I don't care how powerful you are, you can't go after her alone."

"I can take care of myself."

"No!"

"Yes," he bellowed, gripping both her arms with his hands. "Promise me. Promise me, you'll stay here and protect Dean." He did it consciously this time and it was already getting easier. Another wave came off from him toward her and Ruby once again gasped and stiffened. 

"I promise," she answered, her voice tiny, barely audible.

Sam let her go and took a step back, feeling horrible for using his powers against her when she was the one who taught him how to use them in the first place. "I'm sorry," he whispered. 

Ruby didn't answer and looked away instead.

"Ruby, please," he tried another approach. "Ruby." He came closer again, this time cupping her face with his left hand, forcing her to look up and meet his eyes. "Please."

Ruby didn't respond.

"I need to know that he's going to be ok," he explained. "I can't do this if…I need to know that no matter what happens to me, Dean's going to be ok." 

The two of them stared at each other for a few seconds before Ruby's gaze dropped to the knife in Sam's right hand. He held it out for her and this time she took it. 

"Thank you," he said softly. 

The two shared another look but were interrupted when the front door of Bobby's house swung open.

"Care to tell me what the hell is going on?" Bobby demanded as he quickly crossed the distance between them.

"Ruby's going to stay here," Sam informed him. "Help you keep an eye on Dean."

Bobby's gaze moved from Sam to the young woman standing next to him. Sam realized that this was the first time Bobby saw Ruby in this body. 

"Ruby?" Bobby studied her for a few seconds before turning his attention back to Sam. "And where exactly are you going?"

"Lilith," was all Sam said. It was all he had to say. The older hunter understood the meaning behind the unspoken words.

"Alone? Have you completely lost your mind, boy? I told you before and I'll tell you again, you're not John."

Sam straightened at the mention of his father. "No," he replied, staring Bobby straight in the eye. "I'm not. I can actually win this one." 

"And how the hell am I supposed to tell your brother that I let you go off on a suicide mission all by yourself?"

"You don't," Sam calmly responded.

Bobby was anything but calm, though. "Sam…"

Sam sighed. "If something happens…if he still doesn't remember…" He cleared his throat, then continued. "Don't tell him, Bobby. He never has to know."

"Sam…"

But Sam wasn't going to waste anymore time on this. Without another word he turned around and walked over to Impala. With one last glance at the hunter and the demon standing in front of the house, Sam revved up the engine and drove away.


	5. Chapter 4

_****_

_Part 4_

_He wasn't sure how much time had passed since Sam left him alone. He heard the door upstairs open and close a couple of times. Then a little later, he heard it open and close again followed by a conversation between Bobby and a woman. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but the discussion was pretty heated, though short lived. Then for a long time the only sounds were occasional footsteps above him._

_He looked around the room, finally taking in things posted on walls, books spread out on the desk. Crossing the small room, he picked up one of the books laying on top. It wasn't in English and he couldn't understand a word. But there were pictures in there, pictures depicting monsters. He had no idea what the book was about, but it was obvious it wasn't some light reading. Not for the first time since he met them did he wonder who Sam and Bobby really were. _

_He turned around when he heard footsteps nearing the room._

"_Thought you might be hungry," Bobby said, holding out a plate with a sandwich in one hand and a bottle of beer in another. Bobby's gaze settled on the book in his hands. "Can you read that?" _

_He looked down at the open book in his hands. "I don't even know what language it is."_

"_Latin," Bobby said as he placed the plate and beer on the table._

"_Then it's definitely a no."_

_He could have sworn the expression on Bobby's face was that of disappointment. _

_Trying to avoid any more intense looks, he put the book back where he found it and walked back over to the bed and sat down._

"_Not hungry?" Bobby asked._

_He just shook his head, part of him wishing the old man would go back upstairs and leave him alone to think. This whole thing was just too weird. And oddly familiar at the same time. Almost comforting. And that was weird in and of itself._

"_Something wrong?" Bobby asked from across the room._

_Figuring that the old man might be more forthcoming with information than Sam was, he looked up. "It's weird but I feel like I've been here before."_

"_What, like déjà vu?"_

"_Yes. Well, no. I don't know." He just didn't know how to describe the feeling. Or how to explain the fact that he let complete strangers talk him into going with them. Yes, they saved his life but it was more than that. When Sam told him to trust them, he did. Even though his head told him he was crazy, that they could be some serial killers or kidnappers, he still trusted them. And from the look on Bobby's face, he could tell that the old man just might have the explanation he was looking for._

"_Bobby, what are you not telling me?"_

_The older man didn't respond right away, standing rooted in place by the desk overflowing with books for what seemed like forever. _

"_You've been here before," Bobby finally spoke. _

"_What?"_

_Bobby came over and sat down next to him on the bed. "The reason you feel like you've been here before is because you have. Many times. You just don't remember."_

"_I…but…" So many thoughts sprinted through his brain at that reveal that he could barely make out one legible one. "What the hell are you talking about?" _

_Bobby let out a loud sigh. "Your brother will burry me alive for telling you this, but…"_

_Two words out of that entire sentence hit him like a ton of bricks, nearly knocking the breath out of him. "My brother?" _

_But before Bobby had a chance to respond, an alarmed woman's voice called from upstairs._

_Bobby raised his head, seemingly listening for a moment, before getting up from the bed. "Look, just stay here. No matter what, just stay here." With that, the older man ran out of the room and up the stairs, disappearing from the view._

_He was once again left alone with nothing but his thoughts and felt even more confused now. His brother? That didn't make any sense. Except, something inside of him that told him that it __did _make sense. It was the only thing that made sense. 

_Who's Dean? _

_My brother._

Sam's answer rang in his ears over and over again, as if playing on repeat.

_Stop acting like a jack ass, Dean._

_Something I should have done a long time ago. I'm going to make sure those bastards don't come after you again._

He felt his chest constricting.

_My brother._

He shut his eyes, trying to stop the flood of images, not wanting to know. But it was too late. The gates were open and there was no way to stop the memories now.

_Take your brother outside as fast as you can. Don't look back. Now, Dean, go. _

_That's it, Sammy, hold it tight. Now pull the trigger._

_That's my boy._

_You're my brother and I'd die for you._

_It's going to be ok, Sammy, I promise. _

_Sammy, all I'm saying's you're my weak spot. You are. And I'm yours._

_Dean look, I'm doing it. I'm riding the bike._

_You and me. We're all that's left. So, if we're gonna see this through, we're gonna do it together._

_We're family. _

Gripping his head in his hands, he tried to sort it all out, focus on a memory, one thought at the time but his thoughts were completely jumbled.

Suddenly he heard a crash and then a sound of struggle coming form upstairs. 

Without a second thought, he ran out of the room and the up the stairs.

Instincts kicking in, he slowed down when he reached the top of the stairs, trying to remain unseen. There were a total of five demons, though there was no way of knowing if more were spread out through the house or waiting outside. 

Ruby was closer to him, three demons pinning her in the corner. He watched as she swung, knife in hand but was stopped by one of the demons who got a hold of her hand as the knife went flying across the room. As the three of them advanced further on her, pushing her against the wall, he sprinted to get the knife. Grabbing it, he crossed the room once more. Slicing deep into their backs, he quickly got rid of two demons attacking Ruby before they had a chance to even realize what was happening. The third one put up a fight, swinging and punching him squarely in the face. As the demon swung again, he ducked and plunged the knife into the demon's chest. 

Before the body even hit the floor, he was already crossing the room to where Bobby was raging a war against two remaining demons. With only holy water in his arsenal, the older hunter was trying to force the demons into the Devil's Trap. As one of them was finally inside the trap, the other one got the better of Bobby, pushing him onto the desk and trying to suffocate him. 

The demon didn't hear him coming up behind him, didn't hear him swing. 

Gasping for air, Bobby pushed himself off the desk and straightened up, his gaze drifting from the now dead body on the floor and the man standing before him. Finally, his eyes settled on the young man's and he studied his face for a few seconds before his own eyes widened. "Dean?" he finally uttered.

With a smirk on his face, Dean took a step toward the other man. "Hey, Bobby."

Bobby stared at him. "It's really you in there?"

Dean glanced at Ruby but saw a similar look written on her face. "Yeah," he said. He then pointed at the demon in the Devil's Trap. "You might want to exorcise him before he gets any ideas."

As Bobby hurried off to send the demon back to hell, Dean walked around the room, taking note of the four bodies sprawled on the floor as he tucked the knife behind his back.

"Done," Bobby announced a few minutes later, coming over to where Dean and Ruby were standing. 

"Host?" Dean inquired.

"Didn't make it. Must have been possessed for a while."

Dean nodded.

"What about you?" Bobby asked. "You feeling ok?"

"I'm fine."

Bobby watched him intently, seemingly trying to assess how true that answer really was. 

Dean looked around the room, his eyes scanning the five bodies on the floor, the demon and a hunter next to him. One person was missing. 

"Where's Sam?" he asked.

*****

Sam pulled the car into the parking lot and killed the engine. Sitting in front of the tavern, he waited for a few minutes, trying to gage the situation. All signs pointed to demonic activity here. He could feel them too. Every fiber of his being told him that there were demons inside the small, shabby looking structure. How many didn't matter. What mattered was whether any of them knew Lilith's whereabouts.

Sam got out of the car and shut the door behind him. Quickly crossing the empty parking lot, Sam opened the door to the building without any effort and stepped inside. The room appeared as small as it did from the outside. It was barely lit. An old jukebox was playing in the corner.

A few seconds passed before they noticed him and those few seconds gave him a chance to calculate his next move. He counted seven demons, all spread out through the room, each of them could come at him from any direction and at any time. But Sam was ready.

He raised his arms and quickly exorcised two of the demons, taking pleasure in the shocked expressions staring back at him. He then walked over to the bar, his eyes fixed on the demon by the counter, while being aware of each and every one of the remaining demons. 

"You have some nerve," the big one by the counter growled at Sam. 

"Where is Lilith?" Sam asked, dismissing the demon's attempt to intimidate him. 

"Who the hell do you think you are?" The demon hissed at him.

Sensing the demon who was possessing a young woman in the corner, Sam turned just in time to watch her try and escape the body. Seconds later the demon was back in hell and the host's body was slumped in the booth. He turned back to face the big burly guy. 

"You know exactly who I am," he said slowly, calmly. "So, we can do it the easy way or the hard way."

"Go to hell," he got back in response.

Sam smirked. "I think we both know _I_ won't be the one going to hell today." He leaned in even closer. "So, where is Lilith?"


	6. Chapter 5

_Part 5_

"_He did what?"_

"_Calm down, Dean."_

_Dean stared at Bobby as if the man had two heads. Learning that he had just spent five months of his life as somebody else with absolutely no memories of who he really was, well, he had no idea how to react to that. Even worse was learning that it was his brother's decision that was responsible for all of it. _

"_He wiped my memory, Bobby," Dean needlessly reminded the other man. _

"_Well, technically he wasn't the one who did it," a voice came from behind._

_Dean turned to Ruby. "Oh, right, of course. I have __you_ to thank for that." He glared to her. He always knew that she would do whatever it took to get him out of Sam's life. But killing him would obviously turn Sam against her. _This _was a safe way to accomplish everything she had planned for his little brother without Dean in the picture.

"Hey, I had nothing to do with this," she replied defensively, holding her arms up. 

"Yeah, right." He wasn't buying the innocent look. She was too good of an actress.

"Dean, it was Anna." 

Dean turned around to face Bobby once again. The sails of anger directed toward his brother as well as the demon standing next to him slightly deflated at this piece of news. "Anna?" he repeated, hoping he heard wrong.

"Yes," Bobby replied with a sigh. Taking advantage of a break in Dean's rant, he continued, "Sam summoned her when you…when we couldn't figure out a way to help you."

"Sam summoned…" Dean's thoughts were so jumbled, conflicting memories mixed with anger and frustration and complete confusion. But one thought, one question was crystal clear in his head. "Where the hell is he?"

Bobby and Ruby shared a look. The old man looked away while Ruby looked up to meet Dean's eyes.

"Where is Sam?" Dean asked again, a sudden feeling of dread spreading through his body.

"Lilith," Ruby answered with a sigh. "He went after Lilith."

Those last four words made Dean completely forget all about the five months of his life that he lost. He felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped on his chest and he could barely get a breath in. Sam could be fighting Lilith that very moment. And the panic that this thought generated was almost unbearable. 

"Alone? You let him go alone?" He demanded of Bobby.

"You know your brother," Bobby tried to defend himself. "If he gets anything in that head of his, there's no stopping him. Believe me, I tried."

Knowing Sam better than anybody, Dean knew all too well how stubborn Sam could get. "But why did you let him go alone?" Dean turned his attention to the demon. She always seemed to have a way with Sam, some way to make his brother do whatever it was she wanted. "Why didn't you at least go with him?"

"He made me stay here," she responded. 

He wasn't sure how to take that. "Made you?" The thought of a demon listening to his brother, of Sam trusting a demon to such a degree made his stomach churn. "Still being an obedient bitch, I see." 

The two glared at each other. Finally Dean broke the silence. "Where did he go?" They needed to find Sam and stop him from doing something incredibly stupid. Then they could discuss everything else that was on his mind. 

"I don't know. He didn't know where she was when he left here," Ruby confided.

"Then how can you be sure he went after her?"

"He had a plan," was all she said in response.

"What plan?" 

"How to get the information he needed."

Something about all this didn't sound right. "And how exactly was he going to do that?"

Ruby rolled her eyes. "How do you think?"

Dean had to fight the urge to pull the knife out and end her right there and then. But he had more important things to take care of first. And as much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Ruby would do whatever it took to keep Sam alive. He _needed _her to save Sam. 

"Oh, that's just…great," he exclaimed. "Well, I'm stopping it." He dug out his cell phone and dialed the number he knew by heart, hoping that in the months of their separation his brother hadn't changed the number. He stood in the middle of the room, waiting and praying for Sam to answer the phone.

When he heard Ruby clear her throat behind him, Dean turned around only to see her pick up a cell phone from the kitchen counter. Sam's phone.

"Dammit," Dean exclaimed as he stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his jeans. .

"He sure knows you well." Bobby commented.

"He knows you pretty well too," Rubby added. "He knew you wouldn't be able to keep your mouth shut to him." She pointed at Dean.

"Oh, you're enjoying this, aren't you?" Dean growled at her. He needed an outlet for his anger and frustration and she fit the bill. 

"Oh, yes, Dean, I am enjoying being stuck babysitting you. My big plan is to sit here on my ass while Sam gets himself killed." She glowered back at him, every word out of her mouth dripping with sarcasm, her anger matching his. 

"Are you two done yet?" Bobby's tired voice cut through tension that filled the room. 

Looking away from the demon, still fuming, Dean nevertheless nodded. He wanted nothing more than to go a few rounds with her, but right now they had more important things to deal with. Ruby nodded as well. While their motives were different, their priorities were obviously the same – save Sam.

"Good," Bobby said. "Now, how the hell are we going to find him?"

"There is one way," Ruby said. 

"And what's that?" Dean asked, snidely. Just because they had to work together didn't mean he had to be nice to her.

"How do you think I always find him?" 

"Honestly? I thought you had a GPS chip implanted in him."

"That's a really great idea. Maybe you should look into that." She pulled a pouch out of her back pocket. "This works almost as well."

"Witchcraft?" Dean asked incredulously. 

"Works like magic," she smirked at him. "Give me a few minutes." With that she left the room.

Dean watched her leave and then collapsed into a nearby chair with a loud sigh, head in his hands. 

"You ok?" Bobby asked.

"I'm fine."

"Dean…"

"I'm fine, Bobby, honest," he replied, running his hand through his hair. "I just have the 'my brother is being an idiot' headache. Believe me, I recognize the symptoms."

Bobby nodded.

Dean sighed, his mind going over everything that he had just learned in the last five minutes. Everything that had happened in the last five months. And one question kept running through his head. "How could he do it, Bobby? How could he make a decision like that?"

"What? Wipe your memories?

Dean nodded in response.

Bobby sat down next to him. "It wasn't easy. You were in pretty bad shape when he brought you here."

Dean sat up and looked over at the older man. "I was here?" He had no recollection of that trip.

"Yeah. Right after Sam found you, he brought you here. We looked for a way, anything to help you. But there was nothing." Bobby's voice was grim, full of sadness as he remembered. "I told him to wait, give it a little while longer. I thought…you just needed time to heal. But he couldn't stand to see you like that. Not that I can blame him." Bobby exhaled loudly. "So, he summoned Anna. She told him there was a way to help you, to save you. And that's the end of it."

"He had no right to do this," Dean repeated.

"What? Save your life?"

"Take my memories. Take…everything. It wasn't his decision to make."

Bobby stared at him for a moment. "What would you have done?" he asked pointedly. 

Dean hated to admit it, but Bobby was right. If push came to shove; he probably would have made the same decision. But he wasn't going to admit it aloud.

"Look," Bobby continued, "I don't necessarily agree with every decision Sam's made in the past. Especially the recent past. And I would love nothing more than to knock some sense into that boy for going after demons all by himself. But I will say this. He's kept you alive, safe and _sane _for five months. And it wasn't exactly a picnic for him."

Dean stared at Bobby, taking in every single word that came out of the older man's mouth. "What are you talking about?" he asked, trying to swallow a lump that suddenly formed in his throat. 

"Are you really that thick? What do you think it was like for him?" Bobby exclaimed. "He couldn't come see you, couldn't talk to you, afraid that it would trigger your memories and hallucinations and everything else with it. And even if he did talk to you, you had no idea who he even was." Bobby shook his head, as if trying to get rid of memories of his own. "It's like he lost his brother," he whispered. "Again." 

Dean felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach and for a few moments he fought to regain the ability to breathe as the thoughts of what Sam had gone through in those last five months now completely removed any traces of anger that he had felt toward his brother just moments before. 

"So, if we do find him in time," Bobby continued. "Just…cut him some slack, would you?"

Dean closed his eyes, then opened them and looked up at the older hunter. He was about to respond when they heard foot steps.

"I found him," said Ruby.

***

"Where is she?" Sam asked again, his face mere inches away from the demon. 

There was only one demon left in the tavern - the bartender, Sam having exorcised the others one by one. The demon was sitting in a chair with Sam using his powers to ensure that the demon did not get away. 

"Tell me where she is," he commanded. He focused once again and heard the demon gasp slightly. It was a lot harder to control this demon than it was with Ruby, mostly, Sam realized, because Ruby didn't fight him. This demon fought tooth and nail to resist. 

"Dawson ," the demon finally answered. 

"Address," Sam pushed further.

"4997 Main Street ," the demon ground out.

Finally having his answer, Sam let go of his hold on the demon, now only focusing hard enough to keep the demon in place. 

Dawson was just next town over and Sam couldn't believe that he was this close to Lilith. But it all made sense. All demonic signs in the area pointed to this tavern and if any hunter was looking for demons, they'd come here, while Lilith remained unnoticed right next door. 

"You realize that she's using you as a diversion, right? You were just sitting ducks here."

"I know."

"And you're still loyal to her?" Sam asked, incredulously. 

The demon sneered. "I didn't do it for her. I did it…"

Sam understood. "Right, right, for your lord," he finished sarcastically. "Well," he said as he came closer to the demon again and put his hand on top of the man's head. "Tell Lucifer I said hi." 

With that, Sam focused all his energy on the demon. But it wasn't to send the demon back to hell, not when there was a possibility that even from hell the truth about Sam knowing her whereabouts could get back to Lilith. He couldn't take that chance. Instead, Sam focused with all his might on burning the demon right out of the human body it possessed. 

His head was starting to ache, but Sam refused to back down and pushed harder instead. Another minute and the demon screamed as the light illuminated from within the body. 

And then he was gone. 

Sam stood rooted in place, his breathing labored, coming in and out in short gasps. Feeling something wet under his nose, Sam swiped at it with the back of his hand and looked down. His hand was covered in blood. It had been a while since he'd given himself a bloody nose. This took a lot more out of him than any recent exorcisms. But despite the bloody nose and the pounding headache, Sam smiled. 

He did it. The demon was dead.

Suddenly he wasn't alone in the room anymore. He knew who it was before he even saw him. 

"You missed the party," Sam said, turning around to face the angel.

"Sam, you have gone too far this time," Castiel said as his gaze paused on the dead body in the chair. Slowly, he raised his eyes to meet Sam's.

"I did what I had to do," Sam defended himself. 

"You crossed the line," Castiel insisted.

"I got the information we've been looking for all this time. Aren't you even interested in that? Lilith," Sam took a step toward the angel. "I can give you Lilith. Isn't that what you wanted? To find her and stop her?"

"There are other ways…"

"Other ways? You were willing to wipe out an entire town to stop a seal from being broken. Now all of a sudden you're trying to find 'other ways?" Sam raised his voice, incredulous at the hypocrisy of this whole situation. "What happened to doing whatever it takes?"

"We are…"

"No, you're not!" Sam shouted. "You're not. You're letting us do all the work for you." He was livid. He's kept it all inside for so long and now that he was letting it out, he couldn't stop himself. "You could have stopped it. You could have stopped it all. Before it even began. You knew it was coming and you could have prevented it. Could have gone after Lilith before she went into hiding. Hell, you could have stopped Azazel if you only wanted to. But no, you chose to let _us_ fight your battles."

Sam could have sworn he saw a glimpse of emotion on the angel's face. This time he knew he didn't imagine it. 

"That is not true," Castiel tried to defend himself, his voice quiet but steady.

"No? How many hunters have died for you? How many hunters have you sent on suicide missions for you and your God?!" Sam bellowed. "How many innocent people? Tortured, killed, possessed? How _many_ is enough before you start to give a crap? Oh, right, you don't. You don't care." Sam got right into Castiel's face. "You _can't. _You can't feel anything. You have no idea what it's like to lose someone. What it's like to _die_."

"Sam…" Castiel tried again.

"No," Sam shook his head as he stepped back. "I'm done listening. You want to kill me?" He raised his arms to the sides. "Here I am. Do it."

Castiel did not so much as blink.

Sam lowered his arms, studying the angel's face for a moment before speaking up again. "You're not here to stop me, are you?"

When Castiel did not respond, Sam let out a chuckle. "Guess the big man upstairs didn't give the order yet." He crossed the room and opened the door to leave. He had nothing else to say to the angel. 

"Sam, you can't," Castiel called after him.

Sam stopped in the doorway and turned around. "That's the beauty of free will, Cas," he said, staring Castiel straight in the eye. "_I _can." Without another word, Sam walked out of the building, shutting the door behind him. 

He only had one thought on his mind now - Lilith.


	7. Chapter 6

Part 6

Sam pulled the Impala up to the curb and killed the engine, his eyes focused on the building less than half a block away. He fully expected Lilith to set up residence in some sort of a mansion. So now, sitting across from what looked like an abandoned warehouse, he couldn't help but think that the demon managed to resist his control and lie to him. There was only one way to know for sure, though.

Sam got out of the car and slowly made his way toward the building, thankful for the cloudy skies that hid the moon and the darkness that provided him with ample coverage. Sam moved slowly, making sure that he wasn't noticed. His biggest ally right now was the element of surprise. Even more important was making sure that nobody had a chance to warn Lilith.

He could sense them as he got closer - whether Lilith was inside or not, he didn't know, but there were definitely demons there. A lot of them.

He came up to the corner of the building and peaked around it. Three demons were guarding what appeared to be the main entrance. Hiding behind the wall, Sam focused on exorcising all three of them at once. Seconds later he heard the sound of bodies collapsing to the ground.

He came around the corner, staying close to the wall as he walked toward the entrance. He stopped next to the bodies and looked around, listening both with his ears and that part of him deep inside that could warn him if more demons were nearby. The only ones he sensed were behind the door.

Stepping over the bodies, Sam carefully opened the door and walked inside. He was immediately attacked by a demon, the two of them falling to the floor. As he fought the demon who was trying to suffocate him, out of the corner of his eye Sam saw another one running up the stairs, to warn the others, he guessed. To warn Lilith.

Knowing that if that demon succeeded, all of this would be for nothing, Sam tossed the demon that attacked him into the wall with one hand while already focusing all his attention on exorcising the other. Almost immediately Sam saw a black cloud flow into the staircase, disappearing into cement. Satisfied that his presence was still unknown to Lilith, Sam directed his attention now to the second demon who was clamoring to get up to his feet. Seconds later he was back in hell as well.

Sam got up to his feet. Taking a deep breath, he stilled himself for the next part of the battle.

He walked up the stairs, taking his time, trying not to rush it. Rushing it could mean making a mistake and he couldn't afford to make any mistakes. Not when he was so close.

No more demons came after him and in no time Sam was on the second floor. As he reached for the handle of the large steel door, Sam took a deep breath in, then slowly let it out. Turning the handle, Sam pulled the door open and stepped inside.

He stopped the demon by the door, sending it straight to hell before the demon had a chance to so much as blink.

It was only him now and a young woman with long brown hair. Sam could definitely tell there was a demon possessing her, but whether that demon was Lilith he couldn't be sure.

He focused on her, trying to make her show him her eyes - the only way he could be sure that it was her. But she was much too strong for him and put up a wall immediately which he had no hopes of getting through. The next thing he knew, he was flying through the air. His back cried out in pain as it hit the wall.

Pressed against the wall, not moving a muscle, Sam watched as she slowly made her way over to him. She stopped right in front of him, staring at his face for a moment. Then she leaned in, slowly, every move calculated, her face right next to his, her mouth next to his ear. "Did you really think that would work on me, Sam?"

_Lilith._

He had his confirmation.

Trying not to shudder from feeling her breath against his skin, Sam instead reached out with both hands, grabbed her, swung her around and pushed her against the wall, pinning her to the wall.

"Did you really think _that _would work on _me_?" He growled, fully enjoying the complete and utter panic, even fear written across her face now. "You never should have gone after Dean," he said in a low voice.

She seemed to at least outwardly regain some of her wits. And even though her powers didn't work on him, she was still much stronger than a mere human. Before Sam could react, she pushed him so hard, he went flying half across the room.

Sam quickly rolled and was back on his knees just in time to see her try and escape the body she was possessing. He knew that if she succeeded, he might not get another chance at her. He raised his arm and focused on pulling Lilith back into the human body. "I don't think so," he growled as he squeezed his fist, breathing a small sigh of relief as he watched the black cloud pull back into the woman's body.

She stared back at him, eyes white as snow, visibly shaking now as Sam slowly rose from his knees to his feet and walked over to where she stood, rooted in place.

"Let me guess," He said as he approached her, his eyes running over the human body she was possessing. "The little girl routine wasn't getting you any respect from your lackeys?" He asked, smirking at her.

She raised her head, glowering back at Sam. "I just really liked this body," she replied, trying to hide the fear in her eyes.

He leaned in closer, his head less than an inch away from hers. "You won't be in it for long," he said, his voice cold and calm. He stepped back, his eyes meeting hers and smirked.

"I will tear you to shreds," she hissed back at him.

"Give it a shot."

"I will make you watch as I pull the skin off your brother's bones. You'll listen to his screams as I rip his heart out of his chest."

Breathing hard, Sam glared at her, barely able to contain his hatred for the one who caused him so much pain, who cost him so much.

"Hell won't hold me for long," she said defiantly.

Sam took a step toward her. "I know," he said as he raised his hand to her chest and focused. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he had never came across a demon as powerful as Lilith before. Not on his own. Not without a help of a weapon. Something other than what was inside of him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, focusing every thought, every molecule, every atom in his body on her, on killing her, on wiping her off the face of the Earth. His head was hurting like never before and he could feel the blood run down his lips and chin. But none of it mattered. Nothing else mattered except ridding the world off the evil that was within the body of this woman.

He could feel the barrier weakening but he didn't have enough to push through it. His whole body was crying out for relief, every muscle in his body tense, burning, but he refused to let go. Instead he concentrated even more so, sending all the energy within his body toward her.

_Die, die, die_…

"DIE!" He roared, giving it everything that he had left in him in order to kill her.

A bright white light accompanied a deafening scream that vibrated every single part of his body. And then suddenly it was quiet again.

Sam felt the cold cement beneath his body. He couldn't understand how he came to be lying on the floor. Whether he fell or he was pushed. He didn't know.

Only able to take shallow breaths, his heart beating hard against his chest, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at the body lying next to him - the body of the girl Lilith was possessing. She was starting to blur and Sam couldn't quite understand how she could be disappearing into the ground. He turned his head to look up at the ceiling, but that was disappearing in a fog as well.

He heard a voice calling his name from somewhere far away. A familiar voice. Someone so close to him. But he just couldn't place him. Couldn't focus enough to remember.

The fog was setting in around him and it was getting harder and harder to breathe. He knew he couldn't fight against it. He didn't want to fight against it. He heard the same voice calling his name again, somewhere closer this time. But he was just too tired.

And as he let the fog envelope him, there was only one thought he held onto - _Lilith is dead. _


	8. Chapter 7

Part 7

The first thing Dean noticed when he opened his eyes was the fact that he was completely alone. Standing in the long hallway. The bright light bouncing off the white walls was almost blinding.

"Hello, Dean," he heard a soft voice behind him.

Spinning around, Dean saw a familiar face. "Anna," he said quietly. It's been a long time since he'd seen her.

Taking another look around, he realized there was a reason why the hall of the hospital was completely empty except for the two of them. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

The angel nodded as she crossed the distance between them. "It's the only safe way for us to talk."

"The halo army still after you?"

Her smile was sad, but also beautiful. There was something different about her and Dean guessed it had to do with her being a full fledged angel now. Fuzzy giant wings and everything.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"You mean, am I headed to a mental ward in a straight jacket?"

"Getting your memory back is dangerous," she responded, ignoring the bitter note in his voice.

"I'm fine," he forced out. "No hallucinations, no crazy visions."

Her face softened. "That's a good sign. Means your mind had time to heal."

"I guess I have _you_ to thank for that," Dean tried to push back the resentment he felt, but it was a difficult task. "How could you do it? Take my memory like that?"

Anna came even closer and stared up into his eyes. "It was the only way to save you."

"You should have just added an electro-shock while you were at it," he threw at her.

"Sam _begged _me to help you. He begged me to do whatever I could. _This_ was the only way, Dean."

Hearing his brother's name brought Dean back to reality of what had happened. Instead of continuing his tirade, he slowly exhaled. "Why would you want to help me anyway? After what I did?"

In any other situation, Dean would have laughed at the expression of pure confusion on Anna's angelic face.

"What you did?" she repeated his words. "You saved me."

Dean shook his head. "I didn't save you."

"Because of you and your brother I'm still here," she insisted.

"You became what you didn't want to be," he said, his voice almost a whisper.

The sad smile returned to her face as she raised her hand to his cheek. Dean closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, the memory of that night so many months ago still fresh in his mind.

"At least I can do some good now," she finally said, lowering her hand to her side.

Her words bringing him back to reality once again, Dean opened his eyes. "You mean, helping Sam go after demons? Helping him use his demonic powers?"

"Is that what you think they are?"

"He's got demon blood in him," Dean replied.

"That doesn't make him a demon," she countered.

"Well, Castiel sure thinks it does."

"Castiel and the others, they're just scared. They're just like everybody else, every other being on Earth - they're scared of what they don't understand, of what they don't know."

"You're saying they're scared of Sam? _Angels_ are scared of Sam?" he asked incredulously. After all, psychic abilities and demon blood or not, this was his baby brother they were talking about and Dean had seen first hand what power the angels possessed.

"They're scared of what he might become," Anna explained.

"Aren't you?" He probably wouldn't admit it to anybody, but he was with Castiel on this one - terrified of what Sam's future held.

But Anna just shook her head. "No."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I've seen him do amazing things, Dean. I've watched him risk his life over and over again for strangers, willing to give up everything for a person he has never met before just as he would for his own brother. Willing to sacrifice himself and become something he despises in order to save the world. No demon would ever do something like that. _You_ should know that better than anybody," she added. "He's your brother, Dean."

Dean didn't appreciate being reminded of what he already knew about Sam. It was why he always had such a hard time believing that Sam was destined to become the anti-Christ. But there were others out there who _did _believe it, who'd kill Sam in a second to eliminate the threat. And he knew at least two of them who could do it without leaving any traces.

"Do you think...is Castiel..." A part of him didn't want to know. Because if what was happening to Sam was not natural, he knew that there was no help for his brother. But he had to ask. "Are they doing this to Sam?"

"I don't know," Anna replied, her voice so soft and quiet, he could barely hear her.

Blowing out a breath he felt he was holding forever, Dean asked another question. "Is Sam going to be ok?" A part of him, a huge part of him, wanted her to lie to him, to comfort him, to tell him that when he woke up, his brother would be awake as well.

But he also knew that Anna wouldn't lie.

"I don't know," she said again, then added, "I'm sorry."

Trying to swallow the lump in his throat, Dean simply nodded, then closed his eyes as she once again touched his face with her hand.

The next time Dean opened his eyes, he was back in the hospital room, his back crying out from the awkwardness of the hospital chair he sat in next to the bed. Pushing his jacket that he used as a blanket off himself, Dean quickly stood up to check on Sam.

"No change," he heard a woman's voice coming from the other end of the room. Dean looked away from his brother's still form on the bed to meet Ruby's gaze.

It's been three days since Sam and Lilith's showdown, since Sam fell into a coma with no sign of coming out of it. What was worse was that the doctors had no idea what was wrong with him. And as such, could not treat him. Physically, they said, Sam was just fine.

"I thought you left," Dean finally spoke up. Ruby stayed the first day and then without so much as a word, vanished. Until now.

Leaning against the wall, arms crossed on her chest, the demon shook her head. "Just doing some reconnaissance."

"On what?"

"Lilith."

Just hearing that name made Dean's blood boil. "I hope that bitch is rotting in the darkest corners of hell," he ground out through his teeth.

"I don't think she is," Ruby calmly responded.

Dean wasn't sure what shocked him more, the fact that after all this Lilith was still scot-free or how calm Ruby was as she announced that news. "Please, don't tell me she got away. Not after everything. Not after this." He looked at Sam, trying his damnest to keep the anger at bay.

"She's dead." Pushing away from the wall, Ruby crossed the room to stand on the other side of Sam's bed and stared at Dean.

It took Dean a few seconds to process that new tidbit as he raised his eyes to meet hers. "What makes you say that?"

"She's not in hell," Ruby responded.

"That doesn't mean she's dead. She could just be hiding, planning her next move," Dean tried to argue. He wasn't quite sure why he didn't want to believe what Ruby was telling him.

"Word on the street is Sam killed her. If she were alive, you really think Lilith would have wanted that rumor to spread? She would want to make sure everybody knew that she was still in charge."

"You don't know that. You don't know what that bitch is thinking."

"You saw it happen, Dean. You saw it yourself. Tell me I'm wrong."

He did see it. He got there right in time to see Sam trying to exorcise Lilith. Instead of running into the room and just stabbing the bitch, Dean found himself unable to move, frozen in the doorway as he watched his brother and the demon. He was there to witness the white light and the scream like he'd never heard before. Only seeing Sam collapse to the floor finally snapped him out of the hypnosis he seemed to be in.

Dean shook his head, his mind refusing to believe that his baby brother could have killed a demon with his mind. "I thought...I thought Sam can only exorcise demons, send them back to hell. He couldn't...how could he..." The horror and shock that he felt grew as he watched a tiny smile cross Ruby's lips. It was brief, but it was there.

"Sam's more powerful than you think, Dean," she responded, letting her gaze fall on the subject of their conversation before raising her eyes to meet his. "He's even more powerful than _I _thought."

Not for the first time, Dean wondered what else Sam was capable of. And not for the first time, he couldn't stop thinking of what else his brother kept secret from him.

He took a step back. "Well, that's just great. You must be on cloud nine. Your golden boy doing exactly what you planned for him."

Ruby's expression darkened. "You think I wanted this?"

"Oh, please, of course you did. You've been grooming him for this."

"Maybe I wanted him to embrace his powers, get stronger, but I never wanted this." She pointed at the still figure in the middle of the bed. "I would have done anything to prevent this."

Dean couldn't deny the emotions written on her face, emotions she wasn't even trying to hide from him. And that affected him even more than the news of his baby brother being more powerful than a demon. He didn't have anything else to say. Instead, he just stood there, staring back at her until they heard the door open.

Bobby walked in the room and stopped, shifting his gaze between Dean and Ruby. "What's going on?" he asked finally.

The last thing Dean wanted to do right now was to recap everything that he just learned to the man. He just could not stay within the same four walls another second longer. He needed to get out of there, to clear his mind. "I'm gonna get coffee," he said quickly, ignoring the two cups of coffee the older hunter was holding in front of his chest. Grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair, Dean almost ran out of the room.

He was on his way toward the stairs. What he really wanted was to get out of the hospital, get in his car and just drive. But as he reached for the handle of the door leading into the stairwell, he stopped. He couldn't leave. Sam was in a coma and they still had no clue when or even _if_ his brother would wake up. He couldn't leave. Not when Sam could be dying.

Instead Dean headed toward the small waiting area with the vending machines. He wasn't really all that hungry, but he needed something else to focus on and food seemed like a safe bet. So, he took out a dollar from his wallet and put it in the slot on the machine, deciding on a Snickers bar. But when he pressed the button, nothing happened. He pressed the button again. Still nothing. He nearly punched the button with similar result. At this point, Dean began shaking the entire machine, letting all his frustration out on the inanimate object, cursing it for all the things that were wrong in his life.

"Hello, Dean."

The soft, calm voice stopped him cold. Without even turning around, Dean knew who was standing behind him.

Instantly forgetting about the stubborn chocolate bar, Dean turned around to face him. "Castiel," he acknowledged, meeting the angel's gaze with his own. "Long time no see. I think," he added. "I assume you didn't visit much." Dean didn't even try to hide the bitterness from his voice.

Castiel either didn't notice or just didn't acknowledge it though. "How are you feeling?" he asked instead.

Dean shook his head, chuckling. "My brother's in a coma and everybody is asking _me _how I'm feeling. I'm fine. No thanks to you."

"There was nothing we could have done," Castiel responded.

"Anna found a way," Dean shot back at him and found a strange sense of enjoyment seeing Castiel almost wince at the mention of the rebel angel's name.

"Yes, she did," Castiel said quietly, his eyes peering at Dean.

The two faced off against each other without another word for what seemed like minutes, but in reality was only seconds. But it was enough time for the conversation with Anna to replay in Dean's head.

"Are you killing him?" Dean asked. He wasn't sure if he really expected an answer or even wanted one. And a big part of him realized that if they really were trying to kill Sam, he would have been dead already. But he still felt the need to ask. "Are you killing my brother?"

Cocking his head slightly to the side, Castiel studied his face for a moment before responding. "What makes you think we would do that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because Sam kept using his abilities when you obviously didn't want him to? Or maybe because Sam's so powerful, you're all pissing your pants in fear of what he's really capable of?" He didn't realize that he was yelling at this point.

Still, Castiel seemed unfazed by Dean's outburst. "I tried to warn Sam. I tried to stop him from going after Lilith, but he wouldn't listen."

To Dean this was as much of an admission of guilt as if Castiel actually said the words "Yes, we are going to kill your brother."

"He killed her, he stopped Lucifer from rising. Isn't it what you wanted?" Dean exclaimed. No matter how much Sam's abilities scared him, he couldn't deny facts. And facts were that Sam probably saved the whole damn world by killing Lilith.

"Why do you think he went after Lilith?" Castiel took a step closer, lowering his voice. "It wasn't to save the world, it wasn't to stop Lucifer. It was because of you, Dean. His concern for you and his drive for revenge drove him to go after her when he wasn't ready. When he wasn't meant to."

Dean felt like he had just been punched in the face.

Castiel took another step closer to him. "No human is meant to possess the power that Sam has."

Dean's palms rolled into fists, and it was all he could do to stop himself from attacking the angel with everything he had. This was yet another confirmation of their guilt. It was also a confirmation that Sam was going to die. Dean's last glimmer of hope faded as he realized that Sam couldn't possibly fight against whatever mojo the angels put on him.

Barely holding his anger in check, Dean took a step toward Castiel and they were now face to face. "If Sam dies," he said through his teeth, "I'm done. With you and your mission and your boss upstairs. I'm done," he ground out.

The two silently stared at each other for what seemed like eternity.

"Dean?"

Dean turned around to find Bobby rounding the corner.

"Who are you talking to?" the older hunter asked.

Dean glanced over his shoulder to the spot that Castiel occupied just seconds before, but the angel was gone. "No one," he replied. Then realizing that Bobby actually came looking for him, Dean felt a sudden flood of anxiety. "What's wrong? Is Sam…" He didn't finish the question. Couldn't finish it.

"No, no," Bobby seemed to understand where the question was going - "He's ok." After a tiny pause, he added. "He's awake."

Before the words even sunk in, Dean was already running down the hall toward his brother's room. Ignoring Ruby who was standing just outside the room, Dean stopped in the doorway, his eyes falling on the bed at the other end of the room.

Sam was sitting on the bed as the doctor examined him, shining the light in his eyes and checking for reflexes.

"Everything seems to be normal," Dean heard the doctor say. "Though I'd still like to run the tests again."

"I'd rather not," Sam responded. His voice sounded raspy, obviously from three days of not using it, but other than that it was strong. "I feel fine."

"Sam, you fell into a coma for no reason for three days. And came out of it for no reason. If we don't find what caused it, it could happen again," the doctor argued.

"Doc, really, I'm fine," the patient insisted.

His emotions barely under control, Dean stepped into the room. "Listen to the doctor, Sammy," he said, trying to keep his voice from giving away everything he was feeling inside.

Sam's eyes snapped in Dean's direction, studying his face, forgetting all about the doctor and the nurse in the room.

"I'll order the tests," the doctor said on his way out of the room.

Dean managed a "Thanks, doc." He made sure the room was empty except for the two of them before turning back to face his brother. "So what? You figured this was the only way you could get some sleep?" He tried to sound as nonchalantly as possible, but his voice still betrayed him.

Sam still didn't so much as blink, his eyes burrowing into Dean, following his every move. "Dean?" he finally spoke, his voice full of emotion.

Dean immediately understood. The last time Sam saw him, Dean didn't even know he _had_ a brother, didn't know who Sam really was. "Yeah, it's me, Sammy," Dean replied, giving his brother the most innocent smile he could muster as he moved closer to the bed.

Sam's eyes filled with tears, but he quickly looked away, trying to hide them from Dean. Seconds later, Sam met Dean's gaze once again, his eyes still glistening. "Are you ok?"

Dean couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm not the one who just spent three days in a coma, dude."

But Sam didn't respond. He just stared at Dean until he got the answer he was looking for.

"I'm fine, Sam," Dean replied, knowing full well that Sam wouldn't let it go until he got his answer. "Honest. Got a clean bill of health from Anna herself."

"Anna?"

"Yeah, she stopped by for a chat while you were napping," Dean replied. He walked around to the other side of the bed and fell into the chair, Sam's gaze following his every move. "So Ruby says Lilith is toast."

Dean watched Sam's facial expression change, not entirely sure how to read it.

Sam held Dean's gaze before simply responding with a "Yeah."

All the emotions Dean experienced earlier when Ruby told him about Sam killing Lilith began rising to the top again, but he fought back. The only thing that mattered right this very moment was that Sam was ok. Sam was alive. They'd deal with everything else later. "Once you're out of here," Dean said as he leaned back in the chair and put his feet up on the bed stand, "We're going to celebrate."


	9. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

_Sam rolled up his shirt and stuffed it into the duffel bag, packing the last of his belongings while Dean finished up checking out the car outside. He reached for the pair of jeans hanging off the side of the bed when suddenly he felt a presence in the room. _

_"You know, it's polite to knock before you come in," he said as he turned to face his visitor. _

_Uriel was sitting on the old faded chair in the corner of the room staring at Sam, his face absent of any emotion. _

_"Was it worth the risk?" the angel asked, his voice quiet but strong. _

_Assuming the angel was referring to him almost dying, Sam didn't even pause before replying. "Lilith is dead, Lucifer is...wherever the hell he is, Dean's safe. Of course it was worth it."_

_"And what about your soul, Sam Winchester? Was it worth risking your soul?"_

_Sam held the angel's gaze. A few seconds passed before he responded with a simple "Yes." _

_Uriel's expression darkened and before Sam could even register the movement, the angel was mere inches away from him. "You're using powers that you can't understand. Forces that are not meant for a human to know. One day they __will _overtake you and there will be no coming back from that." 

The two were now face to face and even though Uriel was almost whispering now Sam heard him loud and clear.

"One day you will become what you hate, Sam."

Sam stared down the angel, unwilling to be the first to break eye contact. "Then why did you save me?" 

Sam felt an odd sense of pleasure at the fleeting change of expression on Uriel's face. Almost like a shock, surprise maybe at the fact that Sam _knew_. Sam knew Uriel healed him, that _he_ was the one to come to his hospital room and bring him back from the brink of death. And Sam needed to know why. "If I'm such a threat, why didn't you just let me die? Save the trouble for everybody."

Uriel took a step back but did not take his eyes off of Sam. Finally he spoke. "Because today is not that day."

Sam let out an angry laugh. "You mean, I'm still useful."

"Something like that."

Sam wasn't sure why he felt disappointed, it wasn't like he expected anything more. 

Uriel turned away, obviously planning on leaving. At the last minute, he turned back and looked at Sam. "Besides," he said, a strange look crossing his face, - "It wasn't really my call." With those parting words and a knowing look directed at Sam, Uriel was gone and Sam was once again alone in the room. 

Sam wasn't sure how long he stood like that, rooted to the floor, unable to move, unable to breathe, just staring at the spot where the angel stood just moments before. The look on Uriel's face, the glance upward before he disappeared...Sam could hardly let himself believe what he thought Uriel was implying. Those last parting words gave him such comfort as he hadn't felt in a very long time. 

Lost in thought, Sam nearly jumped as the door swung open and Dean entered the room. 

Dean paused in the doorway, staring at him for a moment. "You ok?" 

Sam cleared his throat, trying to find his voice again. "Yeah," was all he could muster. He walked back over to the bed and picked up his duffel bag again. "The car ready?" he finally managed to get out.

"For the time being. She's going to need a lot of TLC after the abuse you caused her," his brother replied. 

Sam rolled his eyes. Ever since he got out of the hospital, Dean had been giving him a hard time about the car - how he didn't take care of her correctly and in a timely manner. Sam of course realized what this was all about - Dean trying to talk to him about losing his memory and the role Sam played in that. A huge part of Sam wished Dean would just bring it up and get it over with. Another part of him dreaded that conversation. But if history taught him anything, it was that things got bad when the two of them kept secrets from each other. They _needed_ to have this conversation. 

He tossed the bag back on the bed and raised his eyes once again. "Why don't you say what's really on your mind?"

Dean stared at him with a confused look on his face. "Uh…the fact that my car is falling apart is what's on my mind." 

"Oh, come on, Dean, we both know it's not what this is all about. The bitching about the car…"

"Hey, I don't bitch. You're the bitch."

Dean's attempt at humor didn't amuse Sam and he just stood there staring back at his brother. 

Dean's face grew serious. "What do you want me to say, Sam?" 

Suddenly regretting even bringing it up, Sam shook his head. "Nothing. Forget it."

But now Dean wasn't letting it go. "No, you started it. Let's finish it." His voice rising, he continued. "Do you want me to say that you had no right to do it? That you had no right to wipe out my memories like that? That it wasn't your decision to make? What do you want me to say?" 

Even though he expected it, Sam still felt as if he was sucker punched. He had his arguments ready - that this was the only way to save Dean's life, that he had no other choice. But finally facing his brother's anger, Sam found himself unable to respond. 

Dean let out a loud sigh. "Look, honestly, I just can't believe you did it. Just like that, just decided to take everything that made me…_me. _But..." Dean paused for a moment. "I understand why you did it." 

Sam didn't even try to hide the surprise at hearing Dean say those words. 

"I get it, ok, Sammy? Being at the end of your rope, not knowing what to do? Being so desperate that you'd cut your own heart out if only you thought it would help. I get it. You had no choice. You did what you had to do."

Sam slowly let out a sigh, feeling as if the weight had been lifted off his chest. "Do you...remember? What happened, I mean." 

Dean held his gaze for a moment before responding. "Some of it. Just the beginning. When the hallucinations just started. Not much though." Dean walked over to the mini fridge and got two bottles of beer out of it. He paused for a moment as he handed one to Sam, as if studying Sam's face. "It wasn't your fault," he finally said.

Sam startled, meeting his brother's eyes once again. 

"What happened wasn't your fault, Sam," Dean repeated as he walked over to the chair that Uriel occupied just minutes before and sat down. 

Sam took a chug out of the bottle and swallowed hard. Unable to look at his brother, he sat down on the edge of his bed, eyes fixed on the bottle in his hand as the events leading up to Dean being taken by the demons so many months before once again played in his head.

They had a fight earlier that day. Yet another one. They had been having a lot of those after the showdown with the Siren. Sam kept arguing that they should go after Lilith. Dean kept badgering Sam about his trust in Ruby and his lying. It was the same argument over and over again. And that day in Rockford it was no different. 

Except Dean finally had had enough and walked out on Sam. Took the car and just drove off. If Sam could, he would have done the same. Instead he was stuck in the motel room. At first fuming. Then packing to leave. That was until he found signs pointing to demon activity in the area. When Dean did not return any of his calls, Sam started looking for him. To this day Sam didn't know just how long the demons had Dean, how long he was tortured for. But whatever the time was, the end result was the same - the demons responsible were back in hell and Dean was quickly going insane from hallucinations. 

"I should have gone after you sooner," Sam finally spoke up, his voice barely audible.

"You couldn't have known," Dean countered.

Sam's had this argument many times before with himself. "I _should_ have known."

"Sammy..."

"Forget it," Sam interrupted him. There was really nothing that Dean could tell him that could elevate the guilt he had felt all these months. He knew he was responsible for what happened to his brother. And he tried to make it right the only way he could. "Do you want to make a stop at Rochester?"

"What for?" Dean appeared to be genuinely surprised by the direction the conversation took.

Sam shrugged. "Get some of your things? Maybe say good bye to your friends." One look at Dean's face told him that maybe it was a much crazier idea than he thought it was. 

"Those are not my things and those people are not my friends," Dean countered.

"You were close to them, weren't you? And that girl...you liked her. It was obvious you cared about her." 

Dean shook his head. "None of it was real, Sam. It wasn't my life."

"It could be," Sam insisted. 

Dean sniggered. "What, being Kyle Johnson for the rest of my life? The white picket fence type of life?"

"Well," Sam hesitated for a moment, unsure of how Dean would take what he was about to say. "Why not? You could have it, Dean. The normal life, no hunting."

Dean's stared at Sam in bewilderment. "It's not who I am."

"You lived that life, Dean. For months. For months you lived it and you were happy. Maybe now that Lilith is dead..."

"Sam, no." Dean said firmly, getting out of the chair. "Yes, I lived it. But it wasn't me. That life, yes, sometimes it's nice to imagine what it'd be like, but it's not us. It's not our lives. We weren't meant for normal. And just because Lilith is gone, doesn't mean evil just seized to exist."

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat as he held his brother's gaze. Finally he just nodded in acceptance.

"You're packed?" Dean asked, seemingly satisfied that the conversation was over and done with. 

Still not completely in control of his emotions, Sam gave him another nod.

"Good," Dean said as he grabbed his bag off the floor and opened the door to leave. 

Sam picked up his duffel bag and followed his brother, stopping short as Dean paused and turned to face him. "I will tell you one thing. You ever take my car away from me like that again and going up against Lilith will seem like a walk in the park in comparison to what I'm gonna do to you." 

With that, Dean walked out of the motel room, leaving Sam no chance to defend himself. Sam stared after him for a moment, then chuckled. He had his brother back. Whatever else happened, whatever else was in their future, for now Sam had his brother back. And that was good enough for him. 

The End.


End file.
